The question will come. It did for us as she sat on my lap, her baby-soft hand moved my chin to look at her face. Big blue eyes searched mine, “Mom, how did you know Dad was the one?” The question dug into my heart. I knew how important it was to answer right, even though she was far too young to ask it.

“Because he loved Jesus even more than me,” I said.

She flew through years, phases and schools. They met in college, and love was so strong I wanted to bat it from the air where it hung, to pull back time and to hold her tight. My daughter had found the man she would spend her life with, and good and right though it was, she asked.

“How did you know, Mom?”

The question will come. Through ages of hairstyles, driving lessons, and boyfriends, my answer stayed the same.

“I knew he would still be a man who loves and follows God even if someday the butterflies stopped flying, and my head quit spinning, and my knees no longer got weak when he looked into my eyes,” I answered. “It’s his core. It’s his heart. That is what I fell in love with.”

The question may come from someone too little, or it may come from the cusp of young love. When it does, I hope you are able to answer from a platform of a good marriage. But whether it has been roses or thorns, your answer provides discernment and guidance.

Is it possible to mold desire? In a society bent on destroying family, how do I direct my child’s yearnings? How can I instill in my children a desire to choose godly character above other attractions? Will my child be stirred to find a soul-mate who belongs to Jesus and loves Him with heart, mind and soul?

 

1. Admire the attributes God honors

What our children put into their lives matters, as does what we put into ours. Who do your children see you admire? Culture revolves around the hottest, edgiest and most famous. Success is defined by standards which often run contrary to God’s. How might your admirations give sway to your child’s attractions?

 

2. Love God with heart, mind and soul.

Live sold out to Jesus. Be the example of one without boundaries in your commitment to Christ. Be willing to go anywhere, do anything, trust fully, and let them see it. Demonstrate Christ as your highest priority and value.

 

3. Fall in love with God’s Word.

Sear the image of you with your Bible into your children’s hearts. Carve time for Him. Build desire for God’s Word. Help them fall in love with Scripture and it will direct their heart’s desires. Let their admiration nourish through Biblical models. Give them God-sized purpose and aspirations for their own lives, so they desire it in another.

 

4. Open conversation

Show is better than tell and modeling a strong marriage is a priceless gift, but children need to also hear God’s definitions of godly character. Talk about the “one another’s” in Scripture, how they relate to relationships, and what to look for in a mate. Your children can understand God’s design for marriage despite whether or not yours is perfect.

 

5. Pray for your child’s future mate.

Pray for the person they will marry while your children still nestle in your arms, when they learn to walk, while they ride their bike and when they drive away with all their possessions. Pray for choosing well and loving Jesus whole.

 

I asked my daughter a question that day, at the threshold of her “I do.”:

“If everything was stripped away, what would remain? Would he love God with heart, mind and soul?”

Her eyes swam with tears. “He would,” she whispered.