I desire an exhausted life. One sold out for God, my husband, and this child within me. I, however, refuse on a daily basis to live a busy life. God provided manna for the Israelites; just enough for each day He provided. On the sixth day, God provided a double portion. He gave to the Israelites enough for that day and the next, and told them to use the following day not for gathering manna, but to rest.
I don’t need to be busy in order to attain provisions. God provides, that is sure and I am confident in that provision. He provides even enough to allow us rest. Not only does He allow it, He commands it. He knows we need it.
I desire an exhausted life. At the end, I wish to look back and see that I was completely poured out, empty to the point that I am no more. If one were to look at me, I hope they see not myself, but an emptied vessel. God works when we are empty, desolate and dry. He cannot work when we are full of ourselves–puffed up by our “productivity”.
The tiny kicks in my abdomen throughout the day are a welcome reminder of my inadequacy. I cannot love enough, I cannot offer enough grace, I cannot claim enough wisdom, and my servant’s heart is lacking. I offer my all to God by offering only myself to Him. Not my efforts. Not my sacrifices. Not my energies. I offer me by inviting Him to show up inside of me. Use me, because I cannot offer anything but this empty clay pot. Mold me, and fill me to overflowing with Your love and grace, because You alone are enough.
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