What had I always wanted to write onto the canvas of our days but dropped down to the bottom of the schedule, left unattended? These were the things I was resolving to make a priority.

I am in love with each stage and every turn. Until now. Until this. Did you see this day when you formed her in my womb?

I felt the weight of guilt knowing that the weeks were slipping away in front of me and I was unable to invest in them how I thought I should. I didn’t want that story.

My words encouraging her to see herself as beautiful and unique fell short when I could hardly look in the mirror without finding a flaw in myself. She was watching.

Whether they believe in Santa or not doesn’t seem to be my focus anymore. I am asking a much more important question these days.

I had not cried that way in an ultrasound for nine hundred and one days. But these tears were very different.