It was a sincere question, “What are some weaknesses you see in my parenting?” I thought I really wanted to know. My husband and I were both twenty-three with a still-young marriage and a toddler. Although the question was honest, my reaction proved it was wrapped in a receiving blanket of pride infused insecurity.

“I think,” she said softly, “you sometimes discipline because you are angry, and don’t balance it with enough love.”

Her answer hit bullseye, and as sincere as I’d been asking, how I wished I could pull the question back into my mouth. I really wanted affirmation more than truth. My arms hugged across my heart, guarding against the strong resistance that fought to argue. I ducked my head and stared at my shoes. As much as I hated it, I knew her observation to be true.

She was the closest friend I had. She knew me well.

Aloud I replied, “Thank you,” but I wasn’t thankful.

I felt like I lived in a fish bowl of temper tantrums, potty-talk and sticky fingers declaring my failures.

Parenthood is a vulnerable position.

Fearful of getting it wrong because it’s so important, sometimes I hunkered down feeling challenged, when I could have learned from others. I thought I might be judged incompetent. And the question under my surface was, what if I am?

Rather than sifting counsel for truth, my self-doubt rejected what could have been helpful. Webs of intertwining systems, formulas and crazy bunny trails, the parental pathway is strewn with opinions.

Recently I came across a verse that gave me guidance for an uncomfortable meeting ahead. Feeling defensive as I approached my situation, these three bits of counsel helped me balance my emotionally charged heart, and I’m confident they would have helped my tired mommy-years as well.

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future,”

Proverbs 19:20

 1.  Listen to advice. Moms hear lots of advice, both helpful and not so much. Listening well is important, learning to consider carefully the voices and decipher what to embrace is discernment that comes from knowing God’s Word. The source of truth, it is the grid through which to sift ideas.

2.  Accept instruction. I like the way the verse sandwiches “accept instruction” between “listen to advice” and “gain wisdom.” Parenthood invites a heart of humility because it exposes our own character flaws we never knew existed. We can embrace the knowledge or refute it. Discernment is found at the feet of Jesus.

3.  Gain wisdom. I am often amazed at the many times I don’t complete the cycle. I forget the lessons. They don’t reach my heart and DNA. When that happens, God often takes me back, learning it all over again. Our heavenly Father desires our experiences to bring wisdom into our future. Such gain invites hope into the parenting process.

Those same simple principles can be transferred to our children. Proverbs 19:20 lays out an uncomplicated pattern for instilling in our children a teachable spirit. Listening well is a developed skill, something our children need. Accepting instruction trains them. The result brings wisdom for whatever lies ahead.

Although I didn’t like my friend’s words, I profited from hearing them. They didn’t alleviate my quick temper, but they did at times help slow down my responses. Even though my children are grown, I confess at times I still am guilty of pride-infused insecurity. Because mothering and learning never really end. Yet we have hope- blessed assurance- wrapped up in the promises of God’s Word.