I never stopped to consider why the nurse rushed in and took away my ice water and orange juice.

She had delivered them with these instructions: “start chugging”, only five minutes prior. “Let’s see if we can wake your baby up”, Her words were delivered with a kind smile. I had walked in to have them check on some mild contractions a half hour before. The contractions had stopped, and I glanced at the clock wondering if I could be discharged in time to make it to Bible study.

But then the nurses rushed in with an IV and oxygen mask. “Your doctor is on her way.”

I suppose that is that moment that I realized something was wrong.

She walked in with a straight and serious face, glancing at the screen with that flat line. After what seemed like moments stretching into eternity, she turned her attention from the screen to me. “That is a child that is not doing well.” She said firmly. Then she went on to walk me through an emergency C-section scenario. She explained that a baby this small, at thirty-three weeks gestation, could not be cared for at this hospital. If things did not improve, they would deliver and transport her by helicopter. I would remain there for several days before I could go and be with my daughter. The nurse would be in shortly with a steroid shot to rush the growth of my baby girl’s lungs.

“You need to come.” I texted my husband, nurses rushing around me and tears streaming down my face. “Possible C-section.” I hit send.

My doctor sat and laid her hand on my leg. “You are right where you need to be. It’s so good that you came in.”

I tried to whisper Psalm 23 into the oxygen mask, short gasps of breaths and the shock in my heart clouding out the words of Scripture.

He leads me beside quiet waters. He leads me beside quiet waters. He leads me beside quiet waters.

That morning I had checked in for one of our bi-weekly appointments. Being a high-risk pregnancy patient, my girl and I would go in twice weekly to check on her growth, fluids, and heart. For the first time, she had failed her non-stress-test heart monitoring. A one-hour appointment turned into three before we had everything checked out, and we’re told we could go home.

During our prolonged stay that morning, I passed the time while reading through the book I was launching into the world in ten short days. These visits had served as a sweet time to slow down and read through my book in finished form. That morning I just happened to be on the chapter entitled, “Out of Control”.

I read the story of my first pregnancy and my step over the threshold into motherhood.

“The fear was immense, and it was conceived of this one notion: I had no control. This poppy-seed sized being growing within me, fully alive and fully human, yet so extremely fragile and dependent on me—I had absolutely no control over his fate. Besides swallowing down a prenatal vitamin with breakfast, I could do very little to protect the life of this tiny human—my very own child, my flesh and blood. My heart… How do we stand tall when these worries seem so much taller? How do we choose to be brave when the fears come at us without relent? ‘Do not be afraid of sudden fear,’ we read in Proverbs 3:25”

That morning as I read the story of my first child’s scary entrance into the world, I had no idea how I would need those words that very evening, as the doctor would go back and forth on whether or not to deliver our fourth child seven weeks early.

Verses from the chapter of that book—Scriptures God had been laying on my heart to share for three years—they began coming back to me that evening as we waited. As I laid in that dark room listening to the whir-whir-whir of my daughter’s heartbeat, my heart filled with these truths that God had been equipping me with for this moment.

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” (John 14:27)

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4)

None of us as parents are immune to these fears. Because not one of us is immune to tragedy, sickness, or evil. Around every corner of parenthood these fears taunt us. Tempt us to great doubt. Hover over us as ever-present uninvited guests in our lives.

Perhaps this is the hardest command for us parents to follow: Do not be afraid of sudden fear.

Fear itself is our nemesis, because it is fear that beckons its ugly head first, derailing us from the joy we so long for in parenthood. It steals our hope and fixates us on that “what if” scenarios. It takes our eyes and our hearts off of the One who commands us: Fear Not.

“fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

It is true. we have so little control. Evidence of this crowds in around us everywhere we look. But we have a God of all-powerful, all-knowing, sovereign, overcoming love.

And He loves these children with a deep, unending, unsurpassable love.

Twenty-eight hours after I reluctantly stepped into that hospital to check on minor contractions, my nurse pulled the IV out of my wrist and sent me home with careful instructions for monitoring, and a follow-up appointment. I was afraid of that moment, after a full day of watching my daughter’s heart on that screen, and its irregular patterns that left the doctors perplexed. Yet as I stuffed my belongings into my bag and walked away from that infant warming bed, my own child still tucked within my womb, I felt an overbearing peace. Peace in knowing that even when the doctors would not have their eyes trained on that screen watching every beat of my daughter’s heart, there is Someone much more powerful and able who would be. And He never diverts His gaze.

Over the following four weeks He watched her and that beautiful heart that He had knitted together in wisdom and love. And He ministered to my own heart in every moment of fear, whispering Fear not, I’ve got her.

In our most raw and vulnerable moments, when we realize just how little control we have, He is there standing ready with His promises.

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4)

“In the face of what we cannot control, we must believe that God has instructed us over and over again in His Word do not fear for a reason. We must believe in a God who loves our babies so much more than we can grasp, in a God of unwavering faithfulness, in a God who has everything under control.” 936 Pennies: Discovering the Joy of Intentional Parenting